i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
They have beer where we have blood.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
