rhymes with "ouble enetration"
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
