Your face is a jimmy john
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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