o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
