I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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