sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
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