this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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