CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
