new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
