Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
We're too hungover to prance.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?