I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
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haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
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Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.