If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Randomize
