U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"