im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.