Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative