the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Swine flu is the new snow day.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
