Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.