i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
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