I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
