So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
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