in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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