arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
