benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
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