I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
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