so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Blood and glitter go together right?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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