You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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