she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Randomize
