So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
