Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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