Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
