So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
