I think my vagina is haunted
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
