He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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