is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
