I met the friendliest cop last night
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
