my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
