mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
