I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
