My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
