Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
