Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
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