im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
