it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
