I'm jealous of your bromance
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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