Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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