wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
