and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
