he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
You took a bar mat shot.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
