her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
