You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
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