sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
