I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
