her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
