I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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