ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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