it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
