its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
