i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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