Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
