that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
3pm strippers are depressing
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Randomize
