omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
