To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
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