We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
So here I am, sexting at work.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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