sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
