Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
