shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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