Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
i out mim tonsoeep
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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