dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
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