So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
