She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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