I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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