come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
