I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
