those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
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