so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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