Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
She told me I should be a condom model.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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