I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
