brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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