hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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